Confessions of a Dangerous Mind

The simple people...

2004-04-03T18:34:40Z

So, I`ve never really kept up with this journal and now I know why. I find throughout life I have run across people who have been such backstabbing, unhappy people, but in the past 9 months or so the ignorance of people has gotten worse. The funny thing is that the same people happen to think that they somehow are better and intelligent individuals. LOL! This is very humorous to me in many ways. To be so miserable as if there body is a canister that holds many storms of unhappiness and insecurities is mind blowing to me. I find it funny that the same individuals also have one side of the story and that I am the bad guy in all of this. If I must play the villain in there pitiful little production they call their life, then that is ok with me. I am quite comfortable with who I am and I am happy with where I am going in life. They will not bring me down any further or cause a ripple in my pond of life. I will smile, sing, dance, and play with my son like there is no tomorrow and I will live my life to the fullest. I WILL GO ON... As for their little thoughts on how brainwashed they think HRH is, well that is amazing. You people seem to underestimate her when you aren`t a part of her world. You praise her when she is in your face or when you feel it will work in your favor, yet in the same breathe as she turns away you put her down as to how blind she is. You seem to think that she is so weak that one could control her every move, desire, emotion. YOU ARE VERY WRONG. In your eyes I am the one you all point your fingers at and blame for underestimating her abilities, when all along it is you. If she is so amazing to you and has such great capabilities, then how would little, ole me be able to control such a strong woman. Give me a break! And if the excuse now is because of my son being held against her, that is a falsehood that you will never see or know. I have let her see him even when she was sleeping with the likes of you little people who call themselves scholars. My son has even been to ones` home to visit, even when I was not welcome. I also tried to extend my friendship to a certain individual when the whole while I got smiles in my face and lies thereafter. Wasn`t I the one who hugged you first as you stood there being uncomfortable, yet I am the villain. That is fine. Get your kicks off of pointing your fingers at me instead of taking blame upon yourselves for the lies instead of looking for truth. A, you have not always been honest, so don`t flatter yourself. If HRH told you to jump off a bridge, you would. She has told me that she asked you not to mention things like the day I confronted the two of you before your trip to OKC. That is fine. I found out what you were all about that day and that was you were only all about you and what you could get out of the situation. Selfish it is then. Could you still love someone who hit you, called you names, changed their attitude and personality right before your eyes in a second? Would you marry that person even when your child can`t even be around people if they are loud or shout across the house and he gets frightened because he is worried they are fighting? Could you have made the three years with someone like that? I say, if you can then go for it with all your might. Try to be with HRH, but remember this...I will be around because we have a connection like no one else and the love, friendship, and struggles that we have endured has only made it much stronger. Whether we decide to be friends or more, we will always be.

fortunebaby @ 2004-03-02T17:20:00

2004-03-02T23:40:21Z

UUUGGGHHHHH! I AM SO TIRED! Had a very long day in the OR and I need a long nap. A is at a meeting at school and I am just checking my email for Gakkai stuff. I hope she is having a good time because the last time she said she was bored. Sometimes I think she just says that. Anyway, I`ve got a lot going on with school and in my personal life. So much that I get frustrated and want to scream. It sucks that we (A, myself, and P) go back and forth from her mom`s house to my mom`s house. I think it`s confusing P a little because we stay together sometimes and then other times we don`t. I know he misses her when she`s not around. He asks where she is and stuff like that and it gets to me a little. It`s hard to explain to a two year old about what`s going on. All he knows is that things are weird and I agree. She says she knows she wants to be with us, but her actions seem different at times. Life and love can be so confusing. Maybe it`s not really the emotion. Maybe it`s the people that make it difficult and confusing. Oh well, it`ll work on one way or another. Just don`t want P to get the wrong idea about life and love and family. He`s seen too much anger and tears in his two years already. He doesn`t need anymore. It`s my goal to see that he doesn`t have to see it anymore from his family. It kills me when he gets this way. At least he`s not acting out like he did the first time this happened. Maybe he`s better because he knows that I will always be there with him and also A is around more this time than the last. All I know is that I am tired and I have to get through school. So far, so good! I think I`m done venting now! WOW! That`s a lot of crap!...For A : I thank you for all the sweet kisses you give me each day and hope you remember to keep your head up like we discussed in the hospital cafeteria! You can do it, Boo! I love you too!

fortunebaby @ 2004-02-25T16:44:00

2004-02-25T23:21:08Z

I hate it when people are so hateful because they are so unhappy with themselves and their surroundings. I don`t get that! I wish someone would explain that to me. I think I missed that class. I never got the reason why people say I love you, then turn around and treat you badly. I know that when I have been unhappy that I have been mean to people. I used to be very agry about a lot of things in my life and I realize that it`s not worth it. You`ll eventually end up alone and bitter. You might even pass up a great thing by the ignorance. Not that I`ve missed out on a lot of fantastic women by being grouchy, but it`s not healthy. Just get out of it and if the grouchy one won`t change, then you leave. It`s that simple. Well, sort of! Ok, not really, but being treated like a pond scum sucking organism sucks! How do you make one see more clearly? One more impossible question of life. UUUGGGHHHH!!!! Maybe I need to chant more and that negativity towards me is my karma, my challenge. I AM SO FRUSTRATED!!!!!

fortunebaby @ 2004-02-23T18:21:00

2004-02-24T00:33:51Z

I am really exhausted...had actual class instead of clinicals today. Didn`t realize how much I would miss just sitting in class. I didn`t miss the lectures. I think it was just relaxing. Tomorrow it`s back to the OR for blood and guts! Hee-hee! It`s pretty cool. Get to see a lot of things most people don`t get to see except on TV. Nervous once again but eager to learn more. Things seem to be going well for me. I feel like I`ve changed so much in the past 4-6 months. I am very peaceful within and have found a lot of self confidence. I find myself not worrying so much about things I have no control over and just going with the flow. I refuse to live my life full of anger and hatred because I am better than that. I am an enlightened fortune baby!!! FINALLY I am becoming the man I always wanted to be. I hope it will rub off on others around me as well because there are a lot of angry people around. Why is that? Life is way too short to be so ugly and blind. Be good to each other while you have a chance...

To A:
I saw your post earlier and wanted to say thanks for the excitment. Keep your head up man!

fortunebaby @ 2004-02-23T07:13:00

2004-02-23T13:13:55Z

My insulting name is Father of forty dogs Soggybiscuit!
What's yours?

fortunebaby @ 2003-12-17T00:34:00

2003-12-17T22:41:26Z

So....two more days of class and it`s Christmas break! Never thought I`d make it this far in my surgical tech class. Fast paced with a ton of info to know. My head is so packed with jumbled up info. It`s hard to remember what goes where with what and so on...I will be glad to get a break! As for life at home, it`s fine. Things seem to be going well, except for the ultimatum here and there thrown at me.(You know who you are! Hee-hee! Still love you though!) To that someone I am referring to...You know I love you and only want what`s going to be right for us. I am comfortable roght now with where we are and you shouldn`t feel insecure with us. Love you, Cotton Candy Face! Anyways, that`s it right now! Library is closing!